I first want to thank everyone who has prayed for my mom during this terrible time. We've had prayers roll in from Canada, Ireland, Kansas (via Tik Tok) and from all of our friends and family. We believe in the HUGE power of prayer and know she was saved last time because of it. I will first start off with her current update, the backstory and then future plans...
Current:
For those who don't know, my mom's glioblastoma brain cancer came back a couple of weeks ago. She had brain surgery the next week and was in the hospital for about two days. The surgeon said her surgery went great and that he was very happy with it - no complications! We are still waiting on pathology results; those will tell us how successful the surgery was.
Some days are better than others. Since my mom has been home, she has felt great, terrible and okay. She's nauseous due to the steroids to prevent her brain from swelling. Her head and neck hurt sometimes. Her eyesight is terrible (last time, she lost her peripheral vision in one eye). But she has the best attitude of all of us! She starts immunotherapy next Tuesday (kind of like chemo) through a port.
Backstory:
Frankly, this has been the worst year of my life. I don't mind admitting that. Something disappointed me in January. My friend committed suicide in March. Coronavirus took away everything including my career for the time being. I realized others had it way worse than me, so I tried to focus on blessings and the road ahead. But then my mom's cancer came back, and I didn't understand why this all happened.
I didn't know it was possible to cry while running. On the day of my mom's surgery, my family and I were only allowed to call and check in twice due to the nurses being bombarded in the ICU. So, I went on a run and cried the whole time. I cried in my room. I punched pillows. I yelled. I curled up in a ball on my floor. I felt like I was losing everything - my mom is my everything. While so many people reached out to me, I still felt so lonely. I tried to get everyone's messages answered and then resorted to hardly talking to anyone at all. I write my emotions better than talk about them on the phone. I cope through media, which is very toxic. My mind is constantly whirling, my nightmares are back and I cry a lot. But I have learned it's okay not to be okay just as long as you don't let the situation beat you. I'm starting to feel like I want to talk to people again. All people.
Future plans: My dad, brother and I are advised not to leave the house even for drive-thru food. If we do leave for the grocery store or to grab Jimmy John's, we have to decontaminate everything including our credit cards. If my mom contracts COVID, her immune system will collapse, therefore I have not cheated during this quarantine or seen anyone socially for over a month. I am more than happy to do that if it keeps my angel safe! My dad had to stop working to lower the risk of bringing home COVID (he's getting paid as of right now under the Family Medical Leave Act). We are all hanging in there.
Positives:
My mom's surgery went great, and she is not in horrible pain (although sometimes her symptoms aren't pleasant). It breaks my heart to have to watch her go through this. She is the best woman I've ever known and will know. Even when she hurts, she smiles. Even when it's scary, she has faith. Even when we take care of her, she takes care of us somehow too. She will survive. We feel it.
My dad is able to take off work and help my mom. He's a hardworking blue-collar guy who can use this time to be with the family.
My brother was notified that he got the job as a Homeland Security agent - WOOHOO!
I have a lot of schoolwork to do as well as my writing internship (which I'm very grateful for). If I have been weird, distant or on Tik Tok too much, it's because I am coping. I'm trying to distract my mind when I'm not helping my mom.
It's not a bad life, just a bad season. ISAIAH 41:10
Thank you for the continued support. My mom loves reading your comments. It makes her feel special, and I know it gives her oomph to beat this.
#SusanStrong
